I thought this was beautiful!

"His New Journey"

The past year has been full of ups and downs. Keith was doing well for the most part. At least as well as could be expected and at times he was great. He hadn't been in the hospital for a year. He has had a positive attitude and a true zest and love of life that has kept him going. His cancer appeared to still be dormant but the struggle with his CHF (congestive heart failure) had been an ongoing daily struggle. He had to watch everything he ate for the sodium count. That was not an easy task! Especially for someone that loved food..
    As quickly as this scary journey began his new journey has begun. My best friend and soul mate passed away very suddenly on March 21, 2011.
   It all just happened so fast! He was going about his normal daily routine except he was feeling pretty good and he was doing more than usual. He got up ate breakfast, took a shower, watched some tv, did dishes, then made himself lunch and back to tv and his puzzle book.
   My boys had come home from school and went out with friends, my daughter went to the bus stop to get my youngest daughter at 3:35.  I stepped out of the room and the next thing I knew he started coughing, he called me to get his oxygen and said he couldn't breathe to call 911..it all just happened so fast there was no time to think.. no sooner did I hang up the phone he became unresponsive and never came out of it. I was  in shock, I felt like I couldn't move or breathe....dumbfounded.
   My daughters came in at 3:42 from the school bus, before the ambulance arrived and I was trying to perform mouth to mouth, I sent them outside in hopes that my 6 year old wouldn't be traumatized, I remember thinking that if I could just get him to breathe everything would be okay. I knew that when she saw my reaction she knew there was something wrong but there was nothing I could do. When the paramedics arrived(it seemed like it took forever) he was in complete cardiac arrest. They worked on him for at least 15 minutes before taking him out. In my heart I already new he was gone. I felt him go, but I was still in disbelief. As if it weren't real. Like a horrible dream. I was trembling from head to toe and I couldn't think. Thank God my sister came. I had scramble to find all of my kids and tell them I was going to the hospital, and clean up the mess from the paramedics before I could leave. If it weren't for my sister I really don't know what I would have done at that moment. My thoughts were just racing.
   I keep reminding myself that he is in a better place and free of misery and that one day we will meet again but it is so hard to imagining our lives without him . 

  I haven't left his side for more than a few hours in the past 2 years. I am feeling very lost and very alone.
Life can be so unfair! I know that we were blessed with the time that we've had with him but it doesn't make it any easier to bear.

 So for now I need to go.
I plan on continuing to write this blog, I think  it  will help me cope with whatever comes our way.

God Bless and Thank you for reading my blog!

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Primary

"A New Day" written 10/2010

I don't even know where to start it's been so long since I've written so I'll just start off by saying that I feel truly blessed, my husband so far is still in remission!

Much has happened though, in March he got a case of bronchitis and was hospitalized, put back on steroids and they changed his heart meds again. They put him on cardizem 360 which was a HUGE mistake! Between the heart pills and the steroids he ended up with CHF (congestive heart failure) again. He put on 69lbs in 3 weeks the majority of it was from fluid retention. This poor man was barely able to walk to the bathroom by himself let alone anything else.To be honest he had so much fluid on him that I was truly afraid! (Last October when he was on life support the main cause was from CHF. ) He had a home nurse that was coming once a week for about 2 months and then he had a home lab that came twice a week. He wasn't able to even sleep lying down. Finally at the end of August he was starting to feel a little better. He got most of the weight off and was able to start sleeping laying down again. He still doesn't move around much because it takes a lot out of him but I Thank God everyday that he is okay! My oldest daughter has gotten a bit crazy!I often find myself saying the serenity prayer over and over. She's 20 going on 15. I always thought that I was so lucky because she really didn't rebel that much and now she is making up for lost time. She 's been dating this guy for about 8 months and it has been absolutely insane. I know that when we're young we don't think but, she is just really making some huge mistakes. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do is let go and let God. I pray everyday that she is going to be okay and that she'll wake up and see the light. Her heart is so big that she wears it on her sleeve and she's always the one that falls. My oldest son is a senior this year, I'm excited and sad all at the same time! He's planning on going to college next year! My sister has been gone for almost a year now and I still can't believe she's gone, I miss her more and more everyday. My brother in law and nephew moved out of their apartment last week and we went over to help, it was very hard. I really haven't been over there much since she passed, only to drop things off or pick things up. Well that's all for now, Thank you for still following my blog! Take care and God Bless!

"The holidays are over"

My son drew this picture and he calls it "hope drowned in sadness" The ironic thing is that he drew it in the beginning of September before my sister got sick again. He drew it for her. There is a lighthouse in the image.

I'm sorry I haven't been able to sit down and write in a while. So much has happened since my sister passed that I've been too overwhelmed with emotion and I just couldn't let myself sit down and think.

On October 31st (Halloween) Keith went into the hospital with chest pain and 3 days later ended up on life support. He was having trouble breathing one night and his heart went into Atrial fibrillation. They couldn't get it back into normal rhythm so them put him on a ventilator. He stayed on life support for 7 days and they didn't know if he would ever recover from it. They were some of the longest 7 days of my life. The good news was that they don't see any cancer right now and the cancer isn't the cause of any of this mess.They had to put a trach in and he was sent into a rehabilitation center to get weened off of the vent. He was in rehab until the day before Thanksgiving and FINALLY he was able to come home!

While he was in rehab my youngest son broke a finger in his hand and my oldest daughter somehow got dermatitis on her leg that turned into staff so that just added to it all.

We stayed home on Thanksgiving and I cooked dinner and my mother-in-law came over and though I was pretty exhausted I have to say that it was a wonderful Thanksgiving! We were all very grateful that he was well enough to come home and that he was alive! My kids hadn't seen him since he went into the hospital because of the H1N1 rules so they were so relieved to have him home! Christmas was also nice we visited family which made for a long day but, all in all it was good. Although I miss my sister dearly and the holidays weren't the same we were all grateful for each other and for family.

He is still recovering a little more day by day. He is trying to get up and move around more. He is able to drive again which is AWESOME! Sometimes I just don't feel like it! Especially when the weather is bad. He has lots of aches and pains and he's on 9 medications 4 of them are for his heart. Two of them control his heart rate and 2 of them are supposed to make it stronger. So for now we just keep praying that he keeps getting better and stronger. What else can we do?! So I will try to keep you posted until next time Thank you for reading and following my blog "God Bless!" Lee

Angel M. Cooper-Rygiel 1971 - 2009 - Obituary - Tributes.com

Angel M. Cooper-Rygiel 1971 - 2009 - Obituary - Tributes.com

"You will truly be missed" "God made us sisters chance made us friends"

This light house is for my sister Angel, I hope it helps you find your way home!

This weeks blog is hard for me to write so it will probably be short. I lost my best friend and sister on Sunday from an unknown source of infection that caused her to go into septic shock. I am really devastated. She was a truly amazing woman!! Her ENTIRE life she struggled with illnesses most of them caused from unknown sources and most of them rare and almost unheard of, yet she had such a zest for life and lived everyday like it was her last.

She had a 9 year battle with a disease called Primary Biliary sclerosis that destroyed her liver and put her into a coma several times. She was very fortunate that she was able to get a liver transplant that blessed us all with her life for another 3 years. In between that 3 years she battled 3 bouts of sepsis, liver rejection, a blood disorder and a multitude of other rare but serious side effects, but still she trudged on with a positive attitude and a strong heart. I believe that most of her strength came from her son whom she adored. It was just the two of them battling the world!

I think I might write a book for her one day to tell the world about her her many miraculous defeats and triumphs but for today I am just going to remember and Thank God for the time he gave us with her. Her exact words were always "Everyday is a gift from God"

Until next time, God bless! (The service info will be in the Thursday Cleveland Plain Dealer under Angela Cooper-Rygiel.)

"Life is so hard"

(This pic is for my sister she loves lighthouses!)
It's been a while since I've written and I have really missed it. I use this blog to vent so my family has had to tolerate my moodiness. My computer was down. I had to get a new CPU and motherboard. It's a miracle really that it's fixed. I came across this guy in an ad in a local newspaper selling an old computer and after talking to him a few times I found out that he runs a business that fixes computers. He got me the parts much cheaper than any place I had checked and it cost me less than 1/2 of all the other quotes and in 1/2 the time. I have to say that he is a really nice guy as well professional and very personable! I truly believe that God sent him our way! If you live in the area(Cleveland,Eastlake and surrounding suburbs) and need your computer repaired(virus removal, hardware upgrades, computer setup etc...) (he also does house calls) this is the guy to call. His name is Marty Williams his company name is PC-FIXME! phone- (440)946-7902 e-mail is martinwllms@sbcglobal.net let him know that Lee sent you!

I have to say that we have met some really wonderful and kind people since all of this has happened. Most of them don't know our story. I believe that they are blessings!
We went to a yard sale over the summer and Keith was struggling to walk up the drive, a lady offered him a chair and asked him about his illness and when we left she walked us to the car and said a prayer with him. I thought that it was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done! She took the time to pray for a person she didn't even know! She really touched our hearts!

Now for updates, so much has happened since I wrote last. Keith went through a really hard time over the past couple of months with his heart and medications. They switched his medication from metropol to verapamil to bistolic to lisinopril. They also put him on lasiks and oxygen. He now has to watch his salt intake along with his sugar. He is finally starting to feel a little better. The fluid retention has gone down quite a bit and he is able to walk from the kitchen to the dining room and not be out of breath. His ct scan in September looked good. The lymph nodes were normal size and there were no significant changes. He will not go back again until January.

My sister has been in the hospital for about a month and a 1/2. She had a liver transplant 2 years ago and she's been in and out of the hospital ever since. She has some sort of bleeding disorder that causes her body to not reproduce red blood cells so it's like she is bleeding out. On top of that she had an infection in her rotator cuff and has to do physical therapy.

So things have been busy and hectic but that's life! The kids are back in school and we are praying that our oldest will graduate this year. The boys are involved in sports. Our baby boy is in high school this year and our baby baby started kindergarten. Baking season is coming. I always look forward to it! Baking keeps me busy and I really enjoy it!! It's a part of who I am!

Thank you again for following my blog and for all the prayers!!!!!Until next time God Bless!!

18. "Sleep Apnea"

This photo was taken by my daughter at a nearby park. I think it so beautiful and wanted to share it. She has an amazing natural talent to capture things in photos.
(She has taken all of my recent blog photos.)

Went to see Dr Subbory (radiation doc) today and heard good news! His lungs sound clear and his heart sounds good! He didn't do a scan today but, he told us that the scan he had in the hospital was clear and showed nothing. I'm so grateful!!! He will see the oncologist for another scan on August 16Th.
We explained some of the things that have been going on lately, like his inability to sleep through the night and the shortness of breath as well as the fluid retention. He said that the medication change has something to do with part of this as well as the steroids and weight gain (20 more pounds since he was in the hospital) and he should be getting a little better everyday. He questioned his COPD diagnosis. He thinks he should see a lung Dr. to rule it out.
I made an appointment with the sleep center today too! The consultation is on Thursday. The Dr. agrees that he may need a c-pap machine at night to help him breath. Don't know if he'll actually use it though. My mom had sleep apnea and she used her c-pap for a few days before she finally gave up on it. She said it was loud and very uncomfortable. Although, If it helps him it would be worth it! I hate seeing him so miserable!
Thankyou again for all of your prayers and support!! Until next time, God Bless!

17. "Breakfast club"

Well I guess we'll be waiting until next week for the scan. Our appointment was rescheduled. There was a mix up on the time. We thought it was for 11:00 and it was actually for 10:00.
It's okay though, no news is good news. I sure wish he wasn't feeling so crappy though. He has a bit of a cold and I think it's bothering me more than him (from worry of course). He hasn't been sleeping well either. Think it's sleep apnea. We suspected that he had it before all of this happened but he had lost a lot of weight in the beginning of this whole ordeal and now that he has gained it all back and then some it seems to be giving him trouble again.

On a better note, our homecoming carnival started yesterday and a local band (called Breakfast club)that he likes was playing so we went to watch and listen for a couple of hours.(the best part is that it wasn't raining and it was FREE) They were an 80's band. It brought back lots of memories. My youngest daughter who is 5 LOVES music! She was more entertaining than the band! She was dancing, head banging, lip singing and playing air guitar the whole time! We all had a great time watching her! My sons thought the band was lame of course but that's okay. We all had a good time!
So until next time, Thank you for reading my blog and for all of your support and prayers! God Bless!

16. "One day at a time"

It's been an interesting week. On the 8th we went to see the oncologist and heard some unexpected news. We found out that the scan looked ok right now and the lung cancer wasn't his concern. Keith's echo cardiogram of his heart came back with a report that it is functioning at 25% less strength and that at this time he doesn't want to do any more treatments because it could kill him. He said that he is hopeful that he'll never have to have chemo again. That would be so wonderful!!!

The interesting thing about the cardiologist is the that he wrote the report and we saw him on the day after Keiths release from the hospital last week and he never mentioned it to us. The only thing he said is that he needed his medication changed. I don't understand why we had to hear it from another Dr. I called his office to make sure the Dr. was aware of the test results and that's when I found out that he was the one that had read and wrote the report. Then I found out that the lopresser that he was on was most likely the cause for the test results and that is the real reason for the medication change. He has to go back in 6 weeks to find out if he is feeling any better. It's so frustrating!!

Since he's been home he has been on prednisone though and he has gained more weight (looks like some water weight) and he still has some shortness of breath. I never know how he is going to feel and neither does he. We just take it a day at a time!

On the 23rd he sees the radiation Dr. again and he will get another scan to check the lymph nodes. I truly dread that appointment!! I am praying for the results to be good! I hope the steroids don't effect the test results!

Thank you again for all of your support and prayers!!!!! Until next time God Bless!

15. "Keeping the faith"

I know I'm writing early this week but I just really feel the need to write. As I said last week my hubby wasn't feeling well, so on Saturday I took him to the emergency room because he was having trouble breathing and not to my surprise they decided to keep him. We thought that after radiation we were going to get a break from this hospital. I guess not!

They did do a complete work up on him including a ct scan. They were concerned about his heart. The good news is that all of his tests came out normal and the ct scan looked okay. I have to say that I was relieved! They started him on steroids which I knew they would do but this poor man now has to deal with his diabetes being crazy for the next 2 weeks and being hyper until he finishes them.

They came to the conclusion that he has now developed COPD. They think that it was brought on by the chemo and radiation. So now he is taking 3 more meds on top of his other 4 plus he has to use a nebulizer to take albuterol aerosol breathing treatments on top of the steroids (that have already made him gain 47 lbs since he's been out of the hospital the first time) and also an antibiotic called Avelox to prevent pneumonia but at least they let him come home on Mondayand he is okay! I was so happy! He is definitely doing better than he was when he went in.

He went to his heart Dr. on Tuesday and he feels that the medication he is on for his A fib and blood pressure(lopresser) may be causing some of the issues with his breathing (as well as his weight gain) so he changed it and put him on a new one called Verapamil. He said that he would feel a difference in about a week. Wouldn't that be wonderful!

Next week we have his endocrine Dr. and oncologist appointment. Not looking forward to either of those. I'm just trying to keep my faith and be strong!

Thank you so much again for reading and following my blog and for all of your prayers and support! Until next time, God Bless!

14. "The Waiting"

It has been a long tough week. Keith hasn't been feeling well for most of it. He's been short of breath and run down. It has been so humid that the air feels like it it weighs a ton. I'm sure that has something to do with how he is feeling. I put a call into the oncologist but it seems to be taking forever for him to call back.

I've been trying to find ways and means to get money coming in so that we can at least pay for our necessities but times are tough for everyone out there right now with this economy and I know there are people struggling and going through a lot more than we are.

Disability is taking its time and IF we're approved we won't get a check until September. It always seems that when you are at the mercy of others (especially the government)it's always hurry up and wait! If anyone out there knows of someplace that helps with utilities and basic necessities PLEASE e-mail or comment me.

I sure hope it rains and cools us off!
Thank you again for all of your prayers and support! Until next week God Bless!

13. "Where do we go from here?"

Things didn't start off so great this week. We had the wake on Sunday and that made for a very l-o-n-g day. A few family issues really didn't help either, but it's okay, it's just a thing. I guess you have to take the bad with the good and move on, like it or not.

So today was the last radiation treatment in this cycle!!!!! YEAH!! We also found out that he won't be getting anymore chemotherapy for this cycle either. It came as a bit of a shock because according to our schedule he would have chemo through July. The plan now is to recover from all of the treatments and in 4 weeks (July 23rd) to get another ct scan to see if the lymph node has shrunk and to see if there is anymore cancer growing. If everything looks good he will start another round of chemo that is stronger and more aggressive to help prevent it from coming back. If the results are not good I don't know what the plan will be. So now we are all a little nervous. The kids are even nervous. We need lots of positive energy, support, and prayers!

So for the next couple of weeks we need to hold our heads up high and help my husband recover, stay strong and positive!

We need to focus as well on how we are going to get out of this financial situation we are in and catch up on getting all of the kids in for their physicals and dentist appointments. I think there is plenty to keep our minds busy!
I'll let you know how we are progressing week by week.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support!! I know that's how we've managed to come through this whole thing so far. Until next time, God Bless!!!

12. "The Long and Winding Road"

On Sunday we went to my brother in laws house for his birthday and a block party. It was interesting to say the least. I have to give him a lot of credit though! He planned the whole thing and provided a lot of the food. He's into wrestling (the WWE type) and he has his own ring so he put on a show. It was cute! He had tag team matches and costumes just like the real thing.
My poor son was miserable the whole day though. His allergies were acting up so bad that he could barely see. Someone a few doors down from my brother in law was cutting his grass and this poor kid was a mess! We were going to leave early but he decided to tough it out so that he wouldn't ruin it for everyone else. He's a good kid! He stayed miserable until we left.
Keith didn't have much fun either. They were cooking on a charcoal grill(naturally it's a block party) and he was told by the Dr.'s not to be exposed to the smoke from a grill and not to eat food cooked on it. It causes some kind of chemical reaction in the food and especially while he's going through chemo he should avoid it. I felt so bad for him! I decided since he couldn't have it I wouldn't either. The highlight of the day was watching my brother in law perform. I guess that made it all worth it!
This week was number 7 of the chemo treatments. It felt like it took forever today. Keith was a bit more tired today than usual so he slept through most of it. I had to keep myself from noddling off. Next week starts a new cycle. We're not quite sure what it is yet I just know we have to be there same time same place.
He is definitely feeling the effects of everything a little more this week. Even with the stomach med he has had a bit of dry heaves. He's also very achy.
We only have 5 more radiation treatments!!! Wooh Hooo!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully when he goes back for his scan in 4 weeks it will be good!Lots of prayers would be greatly appreciated!!
My emotions are back and forth though. When the treatments stop I worry what the outcome will be. I know I have to stay positive but it doesn't stop me from thinking.
On Sunday we have another funeral to go to. This time it is Keith's uncle. This one was totally unexpected. He went into the hospital with pneumonia and 3 days later he passed away. Life is just too short! You never know when your time is going to be up.I always say, "Cherish every moment"!
Well it's time to go for now. Thank you again for reading my blog and for all of your support! Until next week, God Bless!

11. "Are we done yet?"

I have to say that it has really been a long week. On Tuesday Keith got the (subcutaneous)med port put in. It took about 5 hours. There were no complications Thank God! So for now we'll just have to hope for the best and that it heals well.
On Wednesday he had chemotherapy. It seemed to go pretty smooth. He is sore in the area of the port so it was a little uncomfortable for him when they accessed it.The nurse that recommended the port (and that made him so uncomfortable last week) came up to me and whispered in my ear "Do you still feel the same about the port as you did last week?" My response was "YES". She seemed to be surprised by my response somehow. She knew by my response that I didn't want to be bothered with her so she walked away and left me alone. The ironic thing though is that this nurse had the patient next to Keith and ironically the same situation that happened to to him last week (you know how they couldn't find a vein and how it kept blowing out when they did find one) had just happened to this lady. The nurse was apologetic to her but I didn't hear her recommend the port for that patient. I wondered if it was because she knew I was listening to what was going on.??hmm
On Thursday we saw the radiation Dr. He told Keith that he was pleasantly surprised by how well he is doing through this whole thing. He only has 10 more radiation treatments to go. He has some skin irritation in the areas that they are applying the radiation to and he has had some fatigue but overall he is doing okay with it. We will be so glad when the radiation is over. He has a lot more chemotherapy treatments to go but at least it won't be everyday!
Today (Friday) we had a funeral to go to. It was Keith's great Uncle that passed, and tomorrow we have to go to his brothers house to celebrate his brothers birthday.
Sunday will be laundry day and then we start all over again on Monday. I guess the good thing is that school will be out for the summer after Wednesday. I get a little break! The down side is that I have to make them appointments for their physicals and dentist for football. Oh well at least there is enough to do to keep us busy! LOL
Thank you for reading our blog and for all of your support and prayers! Until next time God Bless!

10. "Think Positive"

This week has been a rough one! I went to court yesterday morning for a hearing over the garnishment of my bank account and found out that they aren't going to give back the money they took. I'm not in the least bit surprised but I was so hoping that they would! I would not benefit from it financially but at least my bank account wouldn't be overdrawn. God only knows when I'll be able to straighten that mess out.
Chemo was pretty rough this week! They always have trouble with his veins. It was coming along pretty smooth and then all of a sudden the IV slipped out of his vein and the chemo drug paclitaxol was getting under his skin. The next thing we know the nurses are all whispering and panicking looking through medical books to find out what to do next(which as you might guess has us both very nervous and scared.)The next thing that happens is that the nurse comes in with an ice pack sets it on his arm and starts searching for another vein. The first question I asked was "What is going to happen with his arm?" and "What is the worst case scenario?" I was a bit surprised at her response after all of the fuss they were making. She said that it might swell and become infected and he may need an antibiotic. So far, it looks okay! I sure hope they know what they are talking about!
It then took her 8 tries on finding a good vein and fishing around in his hand and arm before she asked someone else to try and find one. I have to say that I really don't like this nurse. This isn't the first time we've had an issue with her. As I'm watching her fish for a vein I can see her tremble from being nervous as if she's never done this before. The whole time she's doing this, my poor husband is sweating profusely and in agony. I wanted to push her away and do it myself!! She has done this to other patients as well. The other nurses have commented about her on a regular basis. I don't know why she still has a job in this department.
The next nurse comes in and gets it in one try!( no fishing!) So now the first nurse pulls me aside and suggests that my husband gets a port. I absolutely don't want to see him go through that pain and agony again but I really have apprehensions about him getting a port. (Too many horror stories to discuss!)This same nurse also tries to put her arm on my shoulder and apologize and say that she understands and knows what we're going through. (For some reason she wasn't convincing.)
So now I will let him decide and support his decision. I pray everyday that things will get better and that we'll get through this hurdle!
I remind him and the kids that things could always be worse. We still have each other!
Thank you to all of you that read and follow my blog and for all of your prayers and support! Until next time, God Bless!

9. "Hope"

We've just finished week 4 of what started out to be 7. So far radiation is still only 37 treatments but chemo has been increased to 11 weeks (so far that is). We saw the chemo Dr. this week and he told us that they were never going to deviate from the original treatment plan. He thought maybe their original tests may have been a false negative so they decided to add to the original plan to be on the safe side. Which to be honest still tells us nothing more than before but, the Dr. did say that they still have a strong hope that he can beat it!
Keith was not feeling too positive after seeing the Dr. He was very down. He is dreading having more chemo along with more nasty side effects. He's feeling more of the side effects with the current treatments and can't imagine what he'll go through with the new ones. He will get a couple of weeks break and start again only on a much stronger and aggressive treatment. This new treatment will hopefully prevent it from coming back!! They want him to have 2-4 of the new treatments. The good part is no radiation!
I will say that I am so happy it's FRIDAY!!!! A 3 day vacation for us all! No Dr.'s, and no school! I think we all need to enjoy the long weekend! Next week will be long for us!
Thank you again for reading my blog! Have a great holiday weekend!! God Bless!

8."Almost there"

This past week has been so long! So much has happened and though for some people it may not seem that way but when you feel as if your world is falling apart even the small petty things can be overwhelming. I do have to say that last week Thursday was wonderful!! It was one of those days that everything felt normal. We went garage sailing and not just one here and there it was over 25 houses and three or four streets. It was tiring but really nice! Kayla was spoiled. Everywhere we went someone would give her something she wanted. We literally spent $1 the entire day and came home with 3 grocery bags of stuff (all Kayla's of course)! Keith was enjoying himself as well it was nice to do something out of the norm. Friday however wasn't such a great day. He wasn't feeling too well (probably from garage sailing and side effects of chemo) and I got some very upsetting news in the mail. My checking account had been garnished. The only money in the bank was rent money. We have no income right now and they take what little money we have. On top of it , my account is now $300 overdrawn. I filed at the courts for a hearing but the chances of getting the money back are slim so I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.
Sunday was Mother's day and I was still really upset about the money thing on top of the fact that I was really missing my mom(she's been gone 9 years already). She wouldn't be able to fix everything but just to here the words it'll be okay some how made things not seem so bad. Keith's mom and sister came over also and my kids being normal kids didn't want to help cleanup so I was a bit cranky as well. But the visit was nice. Keith seemed to enjoy the company and so did I. I think we both needed it.
On Monday I woke up and decided that we were going to have a good day. I just made light of everything and added a little humor. It was great!! All of us were in a good mood!! I am definitely going to try and do that more often!
Monday we also saw the radiation Dr. just to check in and see how things have been going and yesterday was chemo #3 of 7. We're almost half way there!! It seemed to go pretty quick yesterday and now I'm just looking forward to tomorrow. It's FRIDAY!! A two day break for all of us!
Thank you for reading my blog and for your comments and words of encouragement! If you have a funny joke please leave it in my comments! I'd love to have a good laugh! God Bless to all! Lee

7."Life is a Gift"

I"m having one of those feeling down days today (or at least one of those moments). Yesterday was chemo treatment #2 of 7 and radiation # 8 of 37. He was very anxious during chemo, unable to relax. We were sharing the room with another person and the other patient wasn't being treated for cancer he was there for his multiple sclerosis steroid treatment. Don't get me wrong MS is a serious condition but I think Keith felt like this guy couldn't possibly understand what we're going through and why would they put him in here with cancer patients.
So we got through with the chemo and he was feeling kind of crappy and cranky. He started worrying about the side effects he could be having but hasn't had yet. It seems as if he's starting to get some of them but in reality he is bringing them on himself. I never realized that he has as many anxiety issues as I do. He's always been able to hide them better than I have. We sat down and started having a general conversation and suddenly he was perking up and feeling a little better. I truly believe that we have the power to control some of our illnesses. By dwelling on the negative and thinking about all of the what ifs. I also think that if we have the power to bring on illness with negative thinking then we must have the power to bring on healing with positive thinking. The only problem is that I don't know how to help him think positive. I can try to keep him busy "LIVING" and just going about our normal routines but I can't control his mind. If money allowed it I would just take him and go somewhere for a day. Far away from reality. Niagara falls would be great! Some place relaxing and free from stress. No bills, no Dr.s, and no people that know what's going on. I have one more thing to say for now, Life is a gift but nobody ever said it would be this hard!!!
May God bless and keep you all! Thank you for reading my blog!

6."The Fight"!

Well the first day of radiation therapy went pretty smooth. It only took about 10 minutes and so far there aren't any side effects but, our emotions are getting the best of us both. They say that you shouldn't think of the what ifs. To think positive and live life to the fullest everyday! I have to say that when you are looking mortality in the face you are humbled and it becomes very hard to think clearly.
We went for a second opinion and it went OK. They agreed with the first one and that the treatment plan would be the same. The thing that got us both upset was that they said the cancer appears to have come back in a very short amount of time. They are making this assumption according to the results of the ct scan. At this time they don't want to do a biopsy to confirm it. They just want to start treatment ASAP.
On top of all that chemo started today too. He did really well! No side effects so far! Although I've done nothing but cry for 2 days now at the thought of all those what ifs. Everything seems to get me started. Things on TV, things the kids say, talking to family. I have to stay busy!! I've been cleaning and running errands. I avoid letting him see me cry so I go and hide out in my room on the computer. I know I have to stay strong for all of us! If I fall apart we all fall apart. The worst part is that I know the emotional roller coaster is all part of this thing but I truly hate feeling so helpless and weak! I have to get my mind set on thinking positive and staying strong so that I can help him win this fight!! !!!
Thank you again for reading my blog! God bless to you all!