"A New Day" written 10/2010

I don't even know where to start it's been so long since I've written so I'll just start off by saying that I feel truly blessed, my husband so far is still in remission!

Much has happened though, in March he got a case of bronchitis and was hospitalized, put back on steroids and they changed his heart meds again. They put him on cardizem 360 which was a HUGE mistake! Between the heart pills and the steroids he ended up with CHF (congestive heart failure) again. He put on 69lbs in 3 weeks the majority of it was from fluid retention. This poor man was barely able to walk to the bathroom by himself let alone anything else.To be honest he had so much fluid on him that I was truly afraid! (Last October when he was on life support the main cause was from CHF. ) He had a home nurse that was coming once a week for about 2 months and then he had a home lab that came twice a week. He wasn't able to even sleep lying down. Finally at the end of August he was starting to feel a little better. He got most of the weight off and was able to start sleeping laying down again. He still doesn't move around much because it takes a lot out of him but I Thank God everyday that he is okay! My oldest daughter has gotten a bit crazy!I often find myself saying the serenity prayer over and over. She's 20 going on 15. I always thought that I was so lucky because she really didn't rebel that much and now she is making up for lost time. She 's been dating this guy for about 8 months and it has been absolutely insane. I know that when we're young we don't think but, she is just really making some huge mistakes. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do is let go and let God. I pray everyday that she is going to be okay and that she'll wake up and see the light. Her heart is so big that she wears it on her sleeve and she's always the one that falls. My oldest son is a senior this year, I'm excited and sad all at the same time! He's planning on going to college next year! My sister has been gone for almost a year now and I still can't believe she's gone, I miss her more and more everyday. My brother in law and nephew moved out of their apartment last week and we went over to help, it was very hard. I really haven't been over there much since she passed, only to drop things off or pick things up. Well that's all for now, Thank you for still following my blog! Take care and God Bless!

"The holidays are over"

My son drew this picture and he calls it "hope drowned in sadness" The ironic thing is that he drew it in the beginning of September before my sister got sick again. He drew it for her. There is a lighthouse in the image.

I'm sorry I haven't been able to sit down and write in a while. So much has happened since my sister passed that I've been too overwhelmed with emotion and I just couldn't let myself sit down and think.

On October 31st (Halloween) Keith went into the hospital with chest pain and 3 days later ended up on life support. He was having trouble breathing one night and his heart went into Atrial fibrillation. They couldn't get it back into normal rhythm so them put him on a ventilator. He stayed on life support for 7 days and they didn't know if he would ever recover from it. They were some of the longest 7 days of my life. The good news was that they don't see any cancer right now and the cancer isn't the cause of any of this mess.They had to put a trach in and he was sent into a rehabilitation center to get weened off of the vent. He was in rehab until the day before Thanksgiving and FINALLY he was able to come home!

While he was in rehab my youngest son broke a finger in his hand and my oldest daughter somehow got dermatitis on her leg that turned into staff so that just added to it all.

We stayed home on Thanksgiving and I cooked dinner and my mother-in-law came over and though I was pretty exhausted I have to say that it was a wonderful Thanksgiving! We were all very grateful that he was well enough to come home and that he was alive! My kids hadn't seen him since he went into the hospital because of the H1N1 rules so they were so relieved to have him home! Christmas was also nice we visited family which made for a long day but, all in all it was good. Although I miss my sister dearly and the holidays weren't the same we were all grateful for each other and for family.

He is still recovering a little more day by day. He is trying to get up and move around more. He is able to drive again which is AWESOME! Sometimes I just don't feel like it! Especially when the weather is bad. He has lots of aches and pains and he's on 9 medications 4 of them are for his heart. Two of them control his heart rate and 2 of them are supposed to make it stronger. So for now we just keep praying that he keeps getting better and stronger. What else can we do?! So I will try to keep you posted until next time Thank you for reading and following my blog "God Bless!" Lee