7."Life is a Gift"

I"m having one of those feeling down days today (or at least one of those moments). Yesterday was chemo treatment #2 of 7 and radiation # 8 of 37. He was very anxious during chemo, unable to relax. We were sharing the room with another person and the other patient wasn't being treated for cancer he was there for his multiple sclerosis steroid treatment. Don't get me wrong MS is a serious condition but I think Keith felt like this guy couldn't possibly understand what we're going through and why would they put him in here with cancer patients.
So we got through with the chemo and he was feeling kind of crappy and cranky. He started worrying about the side effects he could be having but hasn't had yet. It seems as if he's starting to get some of them but in reality he is bringing them on himself. I never realized that he has as many anxiety issues as I do. He's always been able to hide them better than I have. We sat down and started having a general conversation and suddenly he was perking up and feeling a little better. I truly believe that we have the power to control some of our illnesses. By dwelling on the negative and thinking about all of the what ifs. I also think that if we have the power to bring on illness with negative thinking then we must have the power to bring on healing with positive thinking. The only problem is that I don't know how to help him think positive. I can try to keep him busy "LIVING" and just going about our normal routines but I can't control his mind. If money allowed it I would just take him and go somewhere for a day. Far away from reality. Niagara falls would be great! Some place relaxing and free from stress. No bills, no Dr.s, and no people that know what's going on. I have one more thing to say for now, Life is a gift but nobody ever said it would be this hard!!!
May God bless and keep you all! Thank you for reading my blog!

6."The Fight"!

Well the first day of radiation therapy went pretty smooth. It only took about 10 minutes and so far there aren't any side effects but, our emotions are getting the best of us both. They say that you shouldn't think of the what ifs. To think positive and live life to the fullest everyday! I have to say that when you are looking mortality in the face you are humbled and it becomes very hard to think clearly.
We went for a second opinion and it went OK. They agreed with the first one and that the treatment plan would be the same. The thing that got us both upset was that they said the cancer appears to have come back in a very short amount of time. They are making this assumption according to the results of the ct scan. At this time they don't want to do a biopsy to confirm it. They just want to start treatment ASAP.
On top of all that chemo started today too. He did really well! No side effects so far! Although I've done nothing but cry for 2 days now at the thought of all those what ifs. Everything seems to get me started. Things on TV, things the kids say, talking to family. I have to stay busy!! I've been cleaning and running errands. I avoid letting him see me cry so I go and hide out in my room on the computer. I know I have to stay strong for all of us! If I fall apart we all fall apart. The worst part is that I know the emotional roller coaster is all part of this thing but I truly hate feeling so helpless and weak! I have to get my mind set on thinking positive and staying strong so that I can help him win this fight!! !!!
Thank you again for reading my blog! God bless to you all!