16. "One day at a time"

It's been an interesting week. On the 8th we went to see the oncologist and heard some unexpected news. We found out that the scan looked ok right now and the lung cancer wasn't his concern. Keith's echo cardiogram of his heart came back with a report that it is functioning at 25% less strength and that at this time he doesn't want to do any more treatments because it could kill him. He said that he is hopeful that he'll never have to have chemo again. That would be so wonderful!!!

The interesting thing about the cardiologist is the that he wrote the report and we saw him on the day after Keiths release from the hospital last week and he never mentioned it to us. The only thing he said is that he needed his medication changed. I don't understand why we had to hear it from another Dr. I called his office to make sure the Dr. was aware of the test results and that's when I found out that he was the one that had read and wrote the report. Then I found out that the lopresser that he was on was most likely the cause for the test results and that is the real reason for the medication change. He has to go back in 6 weeks to find out if he is feeling any better. It's so frustrating!!

Since he's been home he has been on prednisone though and he has gained more weight (looks like some water weight) and he still has some shortness of breath. I never know how he is going to feel and neither does he. We just take it a day at a time!

On the 23rd he sees the radiation Dr. again and he will get another scan to check the lymph nodes. I truly dread that appointment!! I am praying for the results to be good! I hope the steroids don't effect the test results!

Thank you again for all of your support and prayers!!!!! Until next time God Bless!

13. "Where do we go from here?"

Things didn't start off so great this week. We had the wake on Sunday and that made for a very l-o-n-g day. A few family issues really didn't help either, but it's okay, it's just a thing. I guess you have to take the bad with the good and move on, like it or not.

So today was the last radiation treatment in this cycle!!!!! YEAH!! We also found out that he won't be getting anymore chemotherapy for this cycle either. It came as a bit of a shock because according to our schedule he would have chemo through July. The plan now is to recover from all of the treatments and in 4 weeks (July 23rd) to get another ct scan to see if the lymph node has shrunk and to see if there is anymore cancer growing. If everything looks good he will start another round of chemo that is stronger and more aggressive to help prevent it from coming back. If the results are not good I don't know what the plan will be. So now we are all a little nervous. The kids are even nervous. We need lots of positive energy, support, and prayers!

So for the next couple of weeks we need to hold our heads up high and help my husband recover, stay strong and positive!

We need to focus as well on how we are going to get out of this financial situation we are in and catch up on getting all of the kids in for their physicals and dentist appointments. I think there is plenty to keep our minds busy!
I'll let you know how we are progressing week by week.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support!! I know that's how we've managed to come through this whole thing so far. Until next time, God Bless!!!

12. "The Long and Winding Road"

On Sunday we went to my brother in laws house for his birthday and a block party. It was interesting to say the least. I have to give him a lot of credit though! He planned the whole thing and provided a lot of the food. He's into wrestling (the WWE type) and he has his own ring so he put on a show. It was cute! He had tag team matches and costumes just like the real thing.
My poor son was miserable the whole day though. His allergies were acting up so bad that he could barely see. Someone a few doors down from my brother in law was cutting his grass and this poor kid was a mess! We were going to leave early but he decided to tough it out so that he wouldn't ruin it for everyone else. He's a good kid! He stayed miserable until we left.
Keith didn't have much fun either. They were cooking on a charcoal grill(naturally it's a block party) and he was told by the Dr.'s not to be exposed to the smoke from a grill and not to eat food cooked on it. It causes some kind of chemical reaction in the food and especially while he's going through chemo he should avoid it. I felt so bad for him! I decided since he couldn't have it I wouldn't either. The highlight of the day was watching my brother in law perform. I guess that made it all worth it!
This week was number 7 of the chemo treatments. It felt like it took forever today. Keith was a bit more tired today than usual so he slept through most of it. I had to keep myself from noddling off. Next week starts a new cycle. We're not quite sure what it is yet I just know we have to be there same time same place.
He is definitely feeling the effects of everything a little more this week. Even with the stomach med he has had a bit of dry heaves. He's also very achy.
We only have 5 more radiation treatments!!! Wooh Hooo!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully when he goes back for his scan in 4 weeks it will be good!Lots of prayers would be greatly appreciated!!
My emotions are back and forth though. When the treatments stop I worry what the outcome will be. I know I have to stay positive but it doesn't stop me from thinking.
On Sunday we have another funeral to go to. This time it is Keith's uncle. This one was totally unexpected. He went into the hospital with pneumonia and 3 days later he passed away. Life is just too short! You never know when your time is going to be up.I always say, "Cherish every moment"!
Well it's time to go for now. Thank you again for reading my blog and for all of your support! Until next week, God Bless!

9. "Hope"

We've just finished week 4 of what started out to be 7. So far radiation is still only 37 treatments but chemo has been increased to 11 weeks (so far that is). We saw the chemo Dr. this week and he told us that they were never going to deviate from the original treatment plan. He thought maybe their original tests may have been a false negative so they decided to add to the original plan to be on the safe side. Which to be honest still tells us nothing more than before but, the Dr. did say that they still have a strong hope that he can beat it!
Keith was not feeling too positive after seeing the Dr. He was very down. He is dreading having more chemo along with more nasty side effects. He's feeling more of the side effects with the current treatments and can't imagine what he'll go through with the new ones. He will get a couple of weeks break and start again only on a much stronger and aggressive treatment. This new treatment will hopefully prevent it from coming back!! They want him to have 2-4 of the new treatments. The good part is no radiation!
I will say that I am so happy it's FRIDAY!!!! A 3 day vacation for us all! No Dr.'s, and no school! I think we all need to enjoy the long weekend! Next week will be long for us!
Thank you again for reading my blog! Have a great holiday weekend!! God Bless!

8."Almost there"

This past week has been so long! So much has happened and though for some people it may not seem that way but when you feel as if your world is falling apart even the small petty things can be overwhelming. I do have to say that last week Thursday was wonderful!! It was one of those days that everything felt normal. We went garage sailing and not just one here and there it was over 25 houses and three or four streets. It was tiring but really nice! Kayla was spoiled. Everywhere we went someone would give her something she wanted. We literally spent $1 the entire day and came home with 3 grocery bags of stuff (all Kayla's of course)! Keith was enjoying himself as well it was nice to do something out of the norm. Friday however wasn't such a great day. He wasn't feeling too well (probably from garage sailing and side effects of chemo) and I got some very upsetting news in the mail. My checking account had been garnished. The only money in the bank was rent money. We have no income right now and they take what little money we have. On top of it , my account is now $300 overdrawn. I filed at the courts for a hearing but the chances of getting the money back are slim so I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.
Sunday was Mother's day and I was still really upset about the money thing on top of the fact that I was really missing my mom(she's been gone 9 years already). She wouldn't be able to fix everything but just to here the words it'll be okay some how made things not seem so bad. Keith's mom and sister came over also and my kids being normal kids didn't want to help cleanup so I was a bit cranky as well. But the visit was nice. Keith seemed to enjoy the company and so did I. I think we both needed it.
On Monday I woke up and decided that we were going to have a good day. I just made light of everything and added a little humor. It was great!! All of us were in a good mood!! I am definitely going to try and do that more often!
Monday we also saw the radiation Dr. just to check in and see how things have been going and yesterday was chemo #3 of 7. We're almost half way there!! It seemed to go pretty quick yesterday and now I'm just looking forward to tomorrow. It's FRIDAY!! A two day break for all of us!
Thank you for reading my blog and for your comments and words of encouragement! If you have a funny joke please leave it in my comments! I'd love to have a good laugh! God Bless to all! Lee

7."Life is a Gift"

I"m having one of those feeling down days today (or at least one of those moments). Yesterday was chemo treatment #2 of 7 and radiation # 8 of 37. He was very anxious during chemo, unable to relax. We were sharing the room with another person and the other patient wasn't being treated for cancer he was there for his multiple sclerosis steroid treatment. Don't get me wrong MS is a serious condition but I think Keith felt like this guy couldn't possibly understand what we're going through and why would they put him in here with cancer patients.
So we got through with the chemo and he was feeling kind of crappy and cranky. He started worrying about the side effects he could be having but hasn't had yet. It seems as if he's starting to get some of them but in reality he is bringing them on himself. I never realized that he has as many anxiety issues as I do. He's always been able to hide them better than I have. We sat down and started having a general conversation and suddenly he was perking up and feeling a little better. I truly believe that we have the power to control some of our illnesses. By dwelling on the negative and thinking about all of the what ifs. I also think that if we have the power to bring on illness with negative thinking then we must have the power to bring on healing with positive thinking. The only problem is that I don't know how to help him think positive. I can try to keep him busy "LIVING" and just going about our normal routines but I can't control his mind. If money allowed it I would just take him and go somewhere for a day. Far away from reality. Niagara falls would be great! Some place relaxing and free from stress. No bills, no Dr.s, and no people that know what's going on. I have one more thing to say for now, Life is a gift but nobody ever said it would be this hard!!!
May God bless and keep you all! Thank you for reading my blog!

6."The Fight"!

Well the first day of radiation therapy went pretty smooth. It only took about 10 minutes and so far there aren't any side effects but, our emotions are getting the best of us both. They say that you shouldn't think of the what ifs. To think positive and live life to the fullest everyday! I have to say that when you are looking mortality in the face you are humbled and it becomes very hard to think clearly.
We went for a second opinion and it went OK. They agreed with the first one and that the treatment plan would be the same. The thing that got us both upset was that they said the cancer appears to have come back in a very short amount of time. They are making this assumption according to the results of the ct scan. At this time they don't want to do a biopsy to confirm it. They just want to start treatment ASAP.
On top of all that chemo started today too. He did really well! No side effects so far! Although I've done nothing but cry for 2 days now at the thought of all those what ifs. Everything seems to get me started. Things on TV, things the kids say, talking to family. I have to stay busy!! I've been cleaning and running errands. I avoid letting him see me cry so I go and hide out in my room on the computer. I know I have to stay strong for all of us! If I fall apart we all fall apart. The worst part is that I know the emotional roller coaster is all part of this thing but I truly hate feeling so helpless and weak! I have to get my mind set on thinking positive and staying strong so that I can help him win this fight!! !!!
Thank you again for reading my blog! God bless to you all!

5."The storm begins"

We return to see the oncologist and prepare to start chemo and then the Dr. proceeds to tell us that he needs to do a cat scan because after reviewing our case with the the 9 other Dr's. that are involved they are questioning the treatment options and want to see if there have been any changes in the lymph nodes in his chest. So he will not start chemo toady. He decided to put the results on stat so that no matter what the outcome a treatment plan will go into affect ASAP.
My husband however was relieved that he would not have to go through with the chemo today. I must admit that a part of me was too, but my fear of the results from the cat scan were much bigger than the relief. They told us to go home and they set up an appointment to begin the chemo for tomorrow. So again we wait and then the call came about 20 minutes later. The results were not good. The lymph nodes were larger than they were in the first cat scan. He will now have a different treatment plan with a not so good prognosis. The chance of a complete cure and no recurrence was not likely.
The next day instead of chemo we have to see the radiologist. The new treatment plan involves radiation and chemo. Radiotherapy M-F for a total of 37 treatments and chemotherapy once a week for the next 7 weeks. God help us!! It's going to be a very long road! (the 7 weeks that is).
I would truly like to get a second opinion! Seems like someone doesn't know what they are doing here! It's Friday and he starts radiation on Monday. Did they do that on purpose? My fear is overwhelming!
I will write again soon! God Bless to all!

4."The calm before the storm"

The past few weeks have been busy with Dr's. appointments. and Easter but he seems to feel a little better everyday. We met with his chemo Dr. and he recommends that we go with the strongest form so that it doesn't come back. He would be on a 21 day course (1 week on 2 weeks off) with 2 medications. He would begin treatment at a minimum of 4 weeks after surgery and max 6 weeks. So we decided to start it after Easter on the 21st. We also met with the radiation Dr. He said that he doesn't recommend radiation for lung cancer because it is not proven to work or make any difference. So we were relieved to hear that he at least wouldn't have to go through that.
Easter was nice, it gave us a break from reality for a day. The Easter bunny hid lots of eggs for our Kayla. My teens enjoyed it too because he hid some just for them, in places Kayla couldn't see or reach. Then we went and spent the rest of the day with his family. It was nice we all ate good and I didn't have to cook!
The next week there were a few more appointments, but all seems to be going well. He almost feels like his old self again. He would love to go back to work but that's out of the question for a while. The Dr. feels that he should get through all of his treatments first.
So until next week when the storm begins all is well that ends well! Thank you again for reading my blog! God bless!

2."The Results"

So there he stood as our mouths were almost to the floor! Then he said, we're going to go on with the surgery the lymph nodes were negative for cancer! We all burst into tears. Relieved that it had not spread. Though we don't know the exact results and findings yet at least Finally this was a step forward and not back.
Now it was time to sit and wait again not knowing what would happen for the next 4 hours. The time seemed to move quickly at first, until the time came that it was supposed to be over. Soon it turned into 4 and 1/2 hours and then 5 until finally the Dr. came out, it's over and he did well during surgery. He told us that the mass in his lung was 3.4 cm and that the lymph nodes inside the lung surrounding the tumor were also infected with cancer. He then proceeded to say that it looks like stage 2 or 3 and that further testing is needed to know for sure but,.... he thinks he got it all! Now it's time for him to recover and then to go home until it's time for further treatment.
I have to say that this whole thing is like one huge nightmare and I just keep thinking that I will wake up and we'll be back to our everyday lives. We've never had money but we've always had each other! It's so strange how things change in an instant. I always tell my children that you need to appreciate what you have and not what you COULD have or want. Life is precious and we only get one. In the end all of the material stuff won't matter you can't take it with you anyways. But all of that being said I myself am just as guilty for taking things for granted. My husband worked 2 jobs, 1 full time 1 part time just so that we could make ends meet and so that I could stay home and take care of our 4 year old. He's always taken care of us! Now it's time for me to take care of him!
So that's all for now I'm exhausted and tomorrow will be another long day with more of the unknown to come out. Good night and God Bless!

1."The Day Our Lives Changed"

February 26, 2009


The day started like any other, get the kids off to school and wake my husband up for work. Well the kids got off to school just fine but my (42 yr old)husband who hadn't been feeling well for a few days and had a fever. So we assumed it was the same virus that had struck our 4 year old a few days ago so he went to our local urgent care center to get checked out.
After describing his symptoms which included head congestion and cough as well as the fever they ran some typical tests, chest x ray blood work etc... They discovered that he had double pneumonia, his sugar was over 300 and his oxygen level was low. So then it was time for the Emergency room. He wasn't aloud to drive himself he was sent by ambulance.
Naturally, after getting to the ER he was admitted and it all became a whirlwind of what seemed like a nightmare hitting us all at once. We were told within the first 24 hours that he was there that he was now diabetic and that there was a spot on the chest x ray that looked suspicious. (he was a smoker for 27 yrs)The next set of tests would tell us the results. First there was a cat scan which confirmed there was definitely pneumonia and a suspicious spot. Then they did a bronchoscopy to confirm that it may be a tumor and that he should have it removed but not before several other things had to be confirmed. The following day they did removal of the fluid in his lungs using an ultrasound and a needle to confirm that there were no cancerous cells in the fluid. (there weren't Thank God!!) Then he also had another cat scan but this time of his abdomen to see if anything showed up there, which again Thank God everything came out good. So they decided to schedule him for surgery the next day depending on the outcome of yet another test right before they cut him open.
The procedure was to make a small incision in his neck to remove a lymph node located in the middle of his chest, look at it under a microscope and determine if they were going to proceed with the 4 hour surgery. If the lymph node tested positive for cancer they would close him up and recommend him for radiation and chemotherapy and the cancer would be labeled as stage 3. If it is not cancerous they would proceed to roll him over on his stomach and remove 1/3rd (the upper lobe) of his right lung and re sect the bronchial tubes to connect them to the remaining part of his lung.(lobechtomy and resection)
After only 45 minutes the Dr. had come out of surgery, our hearts sunk!